The Loop of Reconnection - Seven Strands

 

Memories... Not a word you would consider as a negative in general. But if you have been a catalyst in the creation of bad memories for someone, and if that someone is your child, it can be so difficult to deal with these memories. But we are all human. We will all make mistakes. No matter what's our parenting approach, no matter how much reading we have done, and no matter how well-equipped we try to make ourselves, there will still be times we will make mistakes that will make us feel guilty. 

So how to deal with them? The memories, the guilt, the impact? Think of the memories as a jar filled with water. Past is like a drop of grey color. More memories -- more water, more good memories -- more beautiful colors to replace the greys. As time passes it will just be a few grey drops diluted enough by all your sincere efforts 🥰

Here are a few tips that help me immensely to not fix but best compensate for my past and ongoing mistakes. I call it a loop of reconnection. And the seven strands are the seven tips.

1. Play Together

Dedicate some time every day to play with your child, whether it's a board game, an outdoor activity, or anything else they love!

2. Talk

A portion of the one-on-one time allocated for your children should be for talking. If they are reluctant in the beginning, you should ask some interesting questions. “Did something interesting today?”,

“What did you learn that was interesting today?”

Don’t get disheartened if they are reluctant in the beginning. Eventually, they will start opening up — the next tip will help.

3. Share

Some stories from your childhood, stories of good times, or your all-time favorites - maybe some silly stuff — anything - just make sure it’s age-appropriate and shared in an age-appropriate manner.

4. Laugh

Jokes are great. Read some regularly and be ready to share with them. Or do a silly dance. Make them laugh. If they see you loosening up — that would gradually shift the dynamic!

5. Listen

When they share, just listen. Oooh and aahs, and a lot of empathy — avoid correcting and even suggestions. Then they would be encouraged to share even more.

6. Teach

If you’re good at something and can make it fun for the kids, spend time teaching them. Kids understand and value when they see we are putting in an effort for their sake. Ensure that it is something they want to learn, and observe and ensure that he is enjoying with you.

7. Forgive Yourself

Be kind to yourself and forgive. That’s difficult, but achievable and crucial. If we don’t forgive ourselves, the memory is kept alive in the vibrations of constant guilt. Replace it with genuine efforts and your belief in yourself.